As our community grows, it is important to discuss this topic of respect and how to respect transgender individuals. It is especially important since it is evident that our community is diverse with all kinds of gender identities. Many use roleplay as an outlet to escape the transphobia of this world, and we want to make sure they feel safe in our community. Whether it's the topic of respecting pronouns or how to correct yourself after misgendering someone, it is important to discuss this type of thing.
- Respecting Pronouns -
This is simple. If someone tells you their proper pronouns, use them! Purposefully misgendering someone or not putting effort into correcting yourself is just rude. There's no benefit in misgendering someone.
This includes they/them pronouns. I mean, come on, the singular "they" pronoun has been in use since the 1300s! It was even added to the Marriam-Webster dictionary as a singular pronoun. It's not that difficult to use they/them pronouns. People have been using them forever, it's nothing new.
- Derogatory Words/Phrases -
TW: This may include language that may trigger some.
There are a lot of derogatory words/phrases against transgender people other than the t-slur. Using phrases like He-She, She-He, GirlBoy, BoyGirl, It, etc. is unacceptable. Calling transpeople "traps" are unacceptable and it is stating that the person is only dressing up as a female or male in order to trick and prey on others.
For additional resources on how to fairly and accurately report on transgender people, please see "In Focus: Covering the Transgender Community" and visit glaad.org/transgender.Glossary of Terms - TransgenderSexThe classification of a person as male or female. At birth, infants are assigned a...
(scroll down on this website to see more phrases and words that can be hurtful to the trans community)
Words hurt more than you think.
- How to avoid misgendering someone -
"The first step is unlearning all the socially coded behaviors we have when it comes to using gendered language in everyday conversations, which is no small task. Basically, never assume anyone’s gender. We’re conditioned to greet people as “sir” or “ma’am,” to refer to them by whatever we automatically assume their pronouns to be when talking to other people. Instead, get in the habit of using gender neutral pronouns with every new person you encounter"
I know a lot of people are accustomed to using "maam" and "sir", which is perfectly fine. Possibly instead, you could use those neutral terms until you learn which they prefer. Just a little bit of effort can go a long way.
- What do if you misgender someone on accident? -
As a transgender person, I get misgendered DAILY. and I mean in my own home, in local shops, and even while in roleplay. I get misgendered accidently in game, in streams, and OOC. But, I have learned that mistakes happen. I don't sound like the typical man everyone is accustomed to. The voice is probably the first thing people notice about others. But after a while, it can become exhausting, especially if someone makes a big deal out of it and continues to joke about it.
"The best way to handle the situation is to apologize, correct yourself, and never do it again. This applies whether you realize your own mistake or if that person corrects you. Please do not turn your apology into a monologue or use it as an opportunity to proclaim your support for trans people. Misgendering happens most often in public/social situations, and they’re already embarrassing enough without you creating a spectacle."
"She, OH I mean He, sorry I am trying to get used to it"
"He, OH I mean She, you still sound like a man, sorry"
"She, sorry, He..."
Just as simple as that. If you misgender someone, correct yourself and move on with the conversation. If someone corrects you on their pronouns, Thank them, correct yourself, and move on.
"I use he/him pronouns"
"Thank you, He..."
- What can I do if someone misgenders someone else? -
As an ally, it is important to make sure people are not misgendering someone behind their back. Don't be afraid to speak up and correct someone, but also don't speak over a transgender person if they took it upon themselves to correct the situation. Correcting a misgendering can be exhausting for a transgender person, especially since most of us experience it everyday. Listen to your transgender friends and make sure they are comfortable.
Feel free to add any of your thoughts and experiences in this thread. Remember, this is a community and a family and we are here to make sure you feel safe in this server. Speak up to staff if you ever feel uncomfortable or targeted, while IC or OOC.