The Four Horsemen Auction
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Contents
The Four Horsemen Auction
Description
The Four Horsemen Auction is a regular venue (once every two weeks, usually on saturdays) in Saint Denis where people can be entertained, served drinks, gamble, and try to get their hands on bids. It is a project imagined and helmed by Lars Stefan, supported by The Four Horsemen Saloon as one of its subsidiaries.
EntertainmentAlmost every event, customers have had the pleasure of being entertained by Agatha Baumstumpf performing famous (and somewhat anachronistic) melodies personalized with Four Horsemen Auction themed lyrics. A gramophone is used for orchestral background but the singing is done by Agatha herself. All performances will be inventoried in this wiki for posterity.
The first ever, and probably most iconic song of the Four Horsemen Auction is the "Auction Shuffle"."The Auction Shuffle"
Original Song : Riverboat Shuffle (1924)
Original LyricsAuction TwistGood people you're invited tonight
To the riverboat shuffle
Good people we've got rhythm tonight
At the riverboat shuffle
They tell me that slidepipe tooter is grand
Best in Louisiana
So bring your freighter, come and alligator that band
Mister Hawkins on the tenor
Good people, you'll hear Milenberg Joys
In a special orchestration
Even Mamma Dinah will be there to strut for the boys
in a room full of noise
She'll teach you to shuffle it right
So bring your baby
I'll be seeing you at the Riverboat Shuffle
The Riverboat Shuffle tonightGood people, you're invited tonight
To the Four Horsemen Auction
Good people, let's get bidding tonight
At the Four Horsemen Auction
They tell me that Jam the dark horsey is grand
Best in all of Lemoyne
Bring you dollar, come and bid a tenner on that
Mister Stefan on the stand
Good people, we got rifles, good brands
And some customized pistols
I heard Agatha will be there to strut for the boys
In a room full of noise
She'll sing about all of our lots
So bring your dollars
Come take a bid at the Four Horsemen Auction
The Four Horsemen Auction tonight
"Horsemen Auction Please"
Taking after a very famous tune, the "Horsemen Auction Please" song was a big success when it was first sang by Agatha.
Original song : Puttin' On the Ritz (1929)
Original LyricsAuction TwistIf you're blue, and you don't know
Where to go to
Why don't you go where fashion sits?
Puttin' on the ritz
Different types of wear a day coat,
pants with stripes and cutaway coat
Perfect fits,
Puttin' on the ritz
Dressed up like a million-dollar trooper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper
(super-duper)
Come, let's mix where Rockefellers walk
With sticks or umbrellas in their mitts
Puttin' on the ritz
Have you seen the well-to-do, up and down Park Avenue?
On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air?
High hats and arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars
Spending every dime for a wonderful timeIf you're blue, and you don't know
Where to go to
Why don't you go where you can bid?
The Horsemen Auction please
Different types of revolvers,
some pretty horse or good rifles
Just to show off,
The Horsemen Auction goes
That's where each and every fancy peeps flux
Every Saturday evening with their sweet bucks
(all the bankroll)
Come with us and we'll attend to all the fuss
And see you spend your last two bits
The Horsemen Auction please
Have you seen all of our wage, up on the opera stage
On that famous Theatre, it's the Théatre Râleur
High bids and arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars
Spending every dime for a wonderful time
"I want a Good Bid"
Another iconic song of the Four Horsemen Auction is "I want a Good Bid".
Original song : I want a good man (and I want him bad) (1930)
Original LyricsAuction TwistGee I'm awful lonesome, I need company,
'Cause I've turned my sweetie down,
For he's been cheatin' on me
Now I'm by my ownsome, an' I'm thinkin'of;
I'm just lookin' round for a new sweetie,
I want somebody to love
Won't somebody hear my plea?
I'll be sweet as I can see
I wanna good man, and I want him bad
If you crave endearing charms, I can fill your empty arms
I wanna good man, and I want him bad
To take a chance in love's romance,
Now that's right where I shine
For love indeed is what I need,
Affection is my line
In my plea, for goodness sake,
Won't someone give me a break?
I wanna good man, and I want him bad
If you're poor or if you're rich,
Strong or weak, I don't care which
I love to have a good man, and I need him so bad
If you're hot or if you're cold, I don't care if you're young or old,
I'd even take one ninety three, but I want him so bad
Now look at me; You will see
I'm very very real!
Don't have the dough of Sarah Bow,
But lots more neck appeal
Now's your chance, men, hear me say,
"This may be your lucky day!".
I wanna good man, and I want him bad
Say, I still own a country home,
'Way from noise and fuss;
A little love nest, a place to rest,
The rest is up to us
Here I am, make up your mind,
Girls like me are hard to find
I wanna good man, and I want him so badGee I'm awful lonesome, I need a good bet,
Cause I've turned a bad sell down,
For it was a real sham
Now I'm by my ownsome, and I'm thinking of,
I'm just looking round for a new horsie,
I want a brand new pistol
Won't somebody hear my plea ?
I'll be spending all my money
I want a good bid, and I want it bad
If you crave pretty brands, I can fill your empty hands
I want a good bid, and I want it bad
To take your chance in our auction,
Now that's right where I shine
For a dollars indeed is what we need
Good selling is my line
Hear my please for goodness sake
Won't someone give me a bet?
I want a good bid, and I want it so bad
If you're poor or if you're rich,
Strong or weak, I don't care which
I'd love to make a good deal, and I need it so bad
If you're hot or if you're cold, I don't care if you're young or old
We have some good bids, and I want them so bad
Now look at me; You will see
I have some real sweet deal
Don't have the jam of Lars Stefan
But some lots to your appeal
Now's your chance peeps, hear me say
"This may be your lucky day!"
I want a good bid, and I want it bad
Say, you may want some mystery,
A box full of goodies
A little surprise, a good rifle,
The rest is up to you
Here I am, make up your mind,
Boxes like that are hard to find
I wanna good bid, and I want it so bad
DrinksLip Darmon can be found every Auction standing behind any surface flat enough to serve drinks on. On menu is a special stock reserved only for the Auction occasion.
GamblingIn order to attract more possible customers and, some might argue, to allow them to earn more cash that they can then spend on bids, a gambling element has been introduced to the Auction when the venue takes place on the Grand Korrigan. Guests are encouraged to sit at the poker tables, and a Devil's Dice tournament is organized: tickets are $10 and the total prize pool is comprised of all tickets proceeds and a flat $100 provided by the auction itself.
BidsThere are a few different kinds of bids at the Four Horsemen Auction, some completely one-off, some semi regular occurences, and some downright legendary staples of the Auction catalogue.
The Four Horsemen Auction Catalogue
Auction #9, 28th of May 1902
The rules for putting up a lot are as follows:
- Minimum price and value of lot (for normal auctions) must be $50.
- The customer gets 80% of whatever price the lot goes for, 20% goes to the Auction.
- Provenance of item must be ensured by the owner of said item (no stolen items, no embezzlement) and will be checked by the Auctionmaster.
The rules for bidding at the auction are as follows:
- You must be as loud as possible when bidding.
- Bidding is prefered in increments of $10 but $5 are also accepted.
- You are allowed to bid against yourself.
- You must pay the full price of your winning bid at the end of the auction to get your lot.
Misc. Items and Tools
Auctioned off at the beginning of the event, these kinds of bids will usually go for much lower than their normal price, making them an excellent reason to attend: knifes (jawbone, lance, regular, throwing), axes and pickaxes, spades, workbenches, lassos, etc.
Honses
A few horses have been sold at the Four Horsemen Auction. It was quickly discovered that customers weren't too keen on bidding on horses they couldn't see, so Lars Stefan organized a horse auction that took place in Lakeside Park near the stables in Saint Denis.
When they are up for auction, the horses are introduced with all available information: gender, breed, age, personality, and history.
Customized Weapons
One of the most anticipated lots is of course the customized guns. Sometimes in partnership with gunsmiths themselves (Bullseye Firearms), more often put up for auction by customers, these beautiful guns will very often go for extremely good prices, almost always much lower than their retail value. The auction is an excellent way of getting one's hands on a customized weapon for a very decent price.
Some weapons however, due to their unique nature or history, went for legendary prices.
NameDescriptionEstimated retail priceWinning bidThe Gambler High roller revolver, extremely rare Impossible to determine $3650 Petunia Customized schofield revolver used by a member of The Krays, customized by Joseph Manning $200 $700 Whitey Customized double action revolver, the first customized weapon ever sold at the Four Horsemen Auction $150 $600
The "Leo Lot"
Named after Leonardo Agosti for his purchase of the first ever lot of this nature (200 hard tacks) this lot is the "bulk items" lot of every auction. The bulk items lot is usually put together by employees of the auction and all proceeds go to the auction accounts for Lars Stefan to continue the (very expensive and not very lucrative) venture.
There is only 1 Leo lot per venue.
Leo Lot contentsWinning big200 animal fat $350 200 assorted meats $160 200 Hard Tack $100 100 assorted alcohol bottles $100 200 assorted meats $50 200 Cigarettes $50
Mystery Boxes
By far the most anticipated lots of every single venue, the Mystery Boxes are the main attraction of the Four Horsemen Auction. The principle of the mystery boxes is self explanatory: a certain number of wooden boxes, usually 3, usually put together by the auction master (but can also be made by customers), is put up for auction. No one knows what's in the boxes except the auction master (and the customer who put them for auction if the box was made by them). The minimum value of any Mystery Box is $50 guaranteed.The only information provided during the auction is as follows :- The total weight.- The number of unique items.- The total number of items.
The winner of the bid claims their box at the end of the auction and decides whether or not to declare its contents, usually to a crowd of curious auctiongoers who gathered up just to satiate their curiosity.
Box denominationWinning bidAuction #4 - Box #3 $460 Auction #6 - Box #1 $450 Box Night - The Butcher Creek Box $400 Auction #7 - Box #4 $350 Box Night - Agatha Baumstumpf's Box $330 Auction #2 - Box #2 $300 Auction #3 - Box #1 $300 Box Night - Anonymous Box $300 History
Information
Status:
DISCONTINUED
Owner(s):
Date Founded:
21st January 1902 (first auction)
3rd April 1902 (business license)
Locations(s):
Théâtre Râleur, Saint Denis (formerly)
The Grand Korrigan, Saint Denis
Lakeside Park, Saint Denis (horse auction)
Employees:
Agatha Baumstumpf (entertainment)
Ylva Castillo (security)
Lip Darmon (bartender)
Vera Foxx (security)
Sonny Harris (who knows)
Lars Stefan (owner)
Valrin Tredwell (security)
Echo Wolfe (security)
As per contract, all Four Horsemen Saloon employees are also eligible to work at the Four Horsemen Auction and any other Four Horsemen subsidiary.